So this year was the most character defining I've ever had!!..

So this year was the most character defining I've ever had!! Lots of trials by fire!! Learned a lot about who I am and who I want to be!! Took out the parts that made me unhappy, and also took a step back from the limelight!! 🥰

Thank you for staying with me :3 Happy New Years!!

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Man, truly what a crazy year this has been. Moving out was truly terrifying, but I knew I had to do this. Packed like sardines with everything I owned in my car smushing against the windows and driving at dawn all the way to Las Vegas was so crazy. And then moving in with somebody I barely knew 😅

I started off with a lot of industry stuff!! My job was my life back then, so I did some really cool shoots!! One in a mansion, another full nude in full black and white, and then some anime girl one!! I went to some parties and some concerts and went out to experience the nightlife!! And boy, as an introvert was I exhausted 😂 but it was totally worth it to experience what I never had growing up!! Being wild and fun and a hot goth girl 🥰

Afterwards, I spent a lot of time with relationships. I was poly for a bit, but that wasn't the right dynamic for me. Especially with what I really needed. Spending time with people I found comfort with was good, but I just needed something more focused.

And then I met my soulmate, and everything clicked!! It's so nice to have somebody who fully understood me! Who was like me!! Somebody who made me feel like I was... safe. Loves for me and who I am, not just what I look like and loves me in any shape I'm in. Who says the same fucked up jokes and knew what I want to say when I can't get the words out. Who everything feels effortless with, like I don't have to entertain or put on a mask or feel pressured or hide my feelings!! Who can provide for me and give me a life I always dreamed of. Just a silly simple life for a silly simple girl 🥹

I proposed in our little hotel room with a small song I recorded, and he proposed when we were at Disneyland!! Then I got to be the girl I always was at Trans Prom!! I felt so cute in my green dress and goth outfit 🥰💚✨ And then we got married!! Nobody else but us, because that's all we need 🥹💍 also I had no friends or family to invite LMAOOO 😅😂

It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, I have been really gloomy this year. My depression really hit, because I truly did lose a lot this year. Some of it was of my own doing, to protect myself. And some of it was just because of serious stuff outside of my control. I gained a lot of weight because of it, and that's been really affecting my already low self esteem.

I do my best to be cheery and optimistic, but... I broke. I'm not sure if y'all noticed when it happened, or if anybody did. But I've been piecing together the pieces of the woman I used to be, and I think I've been doing a good job!! It's still rocky, and I struggle to get out of bed and do anything really, but I've been able to smile!! And joke and stream and take care of myself!! That's enough for now, right? 🥺

I think I've grown up a lot. I've learned what I truly want. And who I really am. What matters to me now is far bigger than my job, what I yearned for, and what I thought I wanted. I learned who truly cares for me, and who just wants to use me. I lived through a lot this year, and though it wasn't as exciting or vibrant as last year, I think that it's was the most important development to set up for the best year of my life 🥰💚✨

Here's to 2025!! Happy New Year!! 🥰💚✨