I'm feeling copious amounts of anxiety today for some reason. Besides medication, how do you cope with panic attacks? (yoga and meditation do not help me, years of experience trying diff things have not worked) ๐๐ I feel less sick than yesterday I think it was just a mild cold/immune system crashing as a response to stress, but I just feel stressed now. Not 100% better yet, but soon ๐Here meanwhile is a naked video of me reading Anais Nin's erotic essays
insert Lickitung pun here ๐ ๐did you know I was a IRL Pokemon champion back in the day?
I used to play Pokemon competitively and win prizes, I was kind of like an OG Egirl/gamer girl before it was trendy (now it's sexy again, the pendulum swings towards nerds now, and I'm sexy too). ๐๐ ๐ผ๐๐ฎ Iโve won a gold Pikachu Game Boy Color, a giant stuffed Jigglypuff, Mewtwo figurine, movie DVDs and game care decks, and tons of other cool merch. when I got into high school my parents tossed out my gamer stuff and I went through a long withdrawal.
I started gaming again after college, and I do so now for pleasure and entertainment rather than competition. (even when I competed, I mainly was there to have fun!)
Perhaps I infantilise myself a lot by engaging in this kawaii weeb aesthetic trying to relive one of the few positive experiences of my traumatic childhood. I fuckin love Pokรฉmon and I love gaming. Gaming is healing. Gaming for fun relaxes me and gives me pleasure. โจ Hope my gaming gives you pleasure too.
hypersexualized bimbopilled personas on the internet be like
the memeing of the minds ๐คฏ I become the face of my content, give a sense of humanity to the Product, cycling through humanizing and dehumanizing myself. I fall when it falls. the times that I flop are equally as important as the successes. one day Iโm like yeah Iโm trying to be more positive and less self effacing, and the nextโฆ back on my goofy bullshit and OnlyFans meta analysis nonsense ๐คช at which point do the realities blend?
interesting seeing the results of yesterdayโs survey. I have a lot of fun ideas about what to make next for you. what you see on this here lovely and horrible OF (Iโve once been called โworst OnlyFans everโ which is kind of iconic, I accept the title) only comprises a small part of my life; it may feel bigger because I chronically overshare. how many hours do you spend online everyday? itโs like an appendage to us now. I live on my phone, but I live away from it even more and I challenge myself by going small periods of time physically away from it. at first itโs scary and uncomfortable because weโre so used to our phones the way a baby is used to its mother
(โphone is mommyโ -Freud probably)
but it starts to feel more liberating. still some uncanny valley shit tho. I honest to god wish I lived in like a rural coastal village somewhere and I believe that in our lifetime the pendulum will swing back towards a culture of luddite values. we will either be so fully sucked into the digitization of humanity that we wonโt notice the singularity happening (is it happening now?), or our weak nervous systems will revolt and try to push back into a natural state of being despite โthisโ being the new natural
spending more time in the real world than the online world recently has been the best thing I can do for myself. learning how to split the difference. I rewatched Network last night and Iโd recommend it to everyone and anyone, that film was ahead of its time, weโre all biologically designed dopamine fiends. the triggers of going online and on social media; I donโt keep active social media, I have the bare minimum, because a major human ethos has lost its purity in a massive sea of nonsensical advertising. I resent it. I hypocritically participate in it, and every time I do, I make sure itโs crystal clear how fucked up I think our system is. I am dead, and yet I live. Iโm so horny for societal collapse, the fall of capitalism, and the end of advertising-based society ๐ด fuck this shit, I want to be a hunter gatherer again
No Nut November?
*NO* NOVEMBER!! ejaculating myself out this bitch lol
good morning and I hope your Monday is off to a good start! ๐ sorry for being absent, for being negative and whiny. I send you these pics as an apology, press the like button on this post if you accept ๐ ๐ ๐๐
Iโm working on myself especially trying to โstay positiveโ itโs the hardest damn thing for me, how do you do it?what are your secrets? also what hair color should I do next! itโs kind of a light rainbow iridescent right now but I am thinking blue or pink for my bday? ๐
Sorry these arenโt nudes, just a ton of chill vibes and random selfiesโจ
Love these pics of me in my happy place at a cat cafe, as well as my irl cat cafe at home. Hope you donโt mind some wholesome sfw photos ๐ค ๐ What makes you happy in this fucked up demented life?
hi hi! my loves, my sweet perverted doves ๐Iโm sorry to do this two days in a row but today I am taking a personal day off to get organized and more well rested.
(yesterday I was also less active on here because of a double shift at my day job)
this week has taken a lot out of me. I covered extra shifts on top of doing this all day erryday. you know I take my OF seriously and I love connecting with you but sometimes Iโm too worn down to perform well or communicate well.
my priorities are high quality content, interactive communication, and artistic integrity. when I feel like ass, I do an ass job of those things - I do not want burning the candle at both ends to affect my integrity and health, or your quality of pleasure. I work several jobs and rarely take breaks so I need a little TLC Nastya personal time. not ignoring anyone, will be back tomorrow or even answering messages tonight if Iโm feeling better, sending love ๐
PS. my bday is next weekend and if there is anyone whoโd like to spoil & be spoiled back (i always send content with the item whether itโs sexual or wholesome), here is a link to my wishlist ๐
(sorry if I sound solicitous or spammy, feel free to tell me to stfu. Iโm just excited cause itโs a big birthday. all purchases are optional! I love treating you to sexy private pics of lingerie you buy me and filming content in it; I also love wholesome practical stuff! if you get me a guitar pedal I will parasocially e-love u forever ๐ )
Iโve been working on a lot of music and writing, after a disgustingly long break of artistic burnout I sense the juices flowing again. In my free time I finally feel like myself again. Depression is a weird fucking thing that I donโt think will fully ever go away but Iโve been finding solace in my creativity and passion projects, as un-lucrative as they may be. I hope you, my sexy disciples, have something in your life that brings you joy, and transubstantiates pain into beauty just like Jesus alchemized water into cum I mean wine sorry I mean cum sorry I mean wow ok Iโll see myself out now
ok thatโs it! have a holy, slutty, sacrosanct Sunday and google bless ๐ ๐ โ๏ธ๐ Iโll post a few more annoying bday reminders this week lmao but mostly I try to keep my feed with pleasurable content for you. Thanks! ๐
PSSSSSSS. what do you think of these pics? do I deserve to be treated like a goddess? what about *pounded* like one? โจ ๐ผ๐ป โจ
๐ธ vacuuming sexy maid ๐ธ a BTS from my iconic Twin Peaks sex tape ๐ธ full length bath video ๐ธ Russian JOI
๐ธ i have a long day at my shitty day job rn so take these videos as recompense for less activity. any tips help me quit and be full time on OF again! ๐ธ
trying to give you some positive vibes??? me like the biggest nihilist ever trying to give you some good vibes??? these videos both have some camera/light testing โจ very simple videos but Iโm trying to just chill and take it easy and make life as simple as possible. yโall must be sick of my long form existential shit so hereโs something aesthetic but not dark or emo
*Stripping Beautyโฆ whilst watching Criminal Minds*? I love Princess Aurora because I always want to sleep ๐ I love Criminal Minds not only cause itโs so nice to zone out to it at the end of the day and i love crime dramas, but also cause I feel like itโs one of the most sex positive shows and views sex workers from an empathetic and understanding perspective which is rare for procedural shows - perhaps a fantasy in a world where much sex work is criminalized by the system and derided by many civilians. we have our own private lives and yet it seems impossible to picture an adult model doing normal person stuff
this is why i like onlyfans where i can let you in to some of my personality, while also doing the creative stuff that i love to perform. the bleedthrough of performativity x reality is fascinating to me (hence why i am writing/developing my horny thesis CYBERHORNY: NAVIGATING A SEXUAL DYSTOPIA)
sex workers can be kind and smart and funny and professional and amazing people (you subscribed for some reason, right?) but our depiction in the media is dehumanizing bc itโs such a โtabooโ topic. iโm desensitized to it but i have to be aware that many people are not. the unknown is scary. the unknown is easy to persecute in a carceral society. itโs comforting to me to watch a show thatโs nice to, and nonjudgmental of, ladies of the Horny ๐ฆ
anyway i hope you like this video ๐ what do you think of my *Sleeping Booty*? ๐ผ๐ป โจ
ton of my personal halloween pictures โฆ dressed as Princess Aurora ๐ lol also i HAD to get a picture with Jigsaw. ๐ฉ๐น ๐ช๐ค I originally thought to perform my lil halloween concert in the Saw mask but i want to give you guys boners not heart attacksโฆ ๐
BOOBA!!! ๐ฆญ iโm exhausted ๐ฅฑ ๐ช โฆbut still sexy (question mark ???) chronically tired gang u up?
๐ pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ๐
send a tip if youโd like to see more videos like this! (iโll also message you something hot ๐ฅต๐) pillow humping โฆ letโs see who likes it ๐คจ
listen to my audio message below. my hand hurt to type too much rn but i will get back to everyone i promise, donโt be mad lol here are some nudes ๐ not ignoring anyone iโm just busy and in pain. working at my day job again today ๐ i will be quitting in a month or so, when i give them my two week notice i will be so happy. have a nice hump day! do you like the audio messages?
POV youโre cuddling with me and my spotted seal ๐ฆญ
I am ready to take on another day minus the depressive weight of living in a world that is crumbling to its doom, leaving us distracted in an e-world of oversaturated information and insatiable horniness. out of all the digital ephemera youโre inundated with, Iโm glad you chose me as your media of choice in this moment. now come back to bed and run cuddle_simulation.exe ๐ฆญ
also one of the first sex toy gifts iโve ever received. I always appreciate gifts and my wishlist is linked in profile if you enjoy gifting. this one was small but made my eyes water like a MF cause i hadnโt sucked cock, real or dildo, in over a year. honestly I prefer smaller/medium tho Iโm not a size queen. but the big dildos that youโve seen me take are a fun challenge. in any case practice makes perfect ;)
what did you think of it? super amateury and i was kinda shy and boring, no cosplay makeup or anything. if it sucks (lol) iโll delete and re post something else more interesting ๏ผโนโกโน๏ผโก
anyways i am super tired after a long ass day ๐ด thank you once more for bearing with me and have a lovely night ๐ ๐ด๐
question: would you still wanna see my cosplays and themed seasonal stuff after halloween? I'm kind of going thru a lot rn and idk if I will have time to squeeze in *Everything* that I want to show you in the next few days. I have a lot of sexy costumes I'd like to film and post, but without the time constraint. quality over quantity. I'll still post something cute and ๐ฅ for halloween tho ๐ค thank you for being patient with me
Lol is this the kind of FAN service you like to see? ๐ naked pic just because??? idk ๐คทโโ๏ธ going to sleep with a heavy knot in my chest and an evil internal monologue which tells me Iโm never good enough, always a failure, and refuses to be rewired. I will most likely go on anti depressants soon, my nervous system is completely fucked and I feel unbearable Shakespearian agony every day. share your medication experiences if youโre comfortable. dose me with cat pics if you want to give me a small serotonin. Iโll look at them when I wake up
iโm usually a slutty pastel or dark gothic hair type of girl but iโve been kind of digging this basic medium brown shade โฆ what do you think? ๐ฌ๐ค swipe for a look at my playtime fun kit ๐โฃ๏ธ ๐คโฃ๏ธ โ
swipe even further for a kinky oral fixation video โ ๏ธ
does hair color matter to you and do you have a fave hair color on me? my personal tastes fluctuate, iโm just curious โจ
Iโm feeling generous, frisky, and fun this SLUT O WEEN ๐ค two full length sex tapes right here. surprise! thereโs also the option to receive more full lengths ๐๐ฅ ๐ฆ
33 - ๐ 5 min resolve of the fan princess Kitana from MORTAL KOITUS vid - I have an intense orgasm from the vibrator + fingering myself that shakes my mask off, strips me naked, makes me moan, and leaves me feeling goofy and a little bit out of body mind broken ๐คค
50 - ๐ 11 min resolve of the Uraraka from MY HOE ACADEMIA vid - Iโm home after class super bored and horny, I decide to use the Bad Dragon in my backpack to make myself cum for you to see - I really creamed that dildo good with this one, like a waterfall โฒ๏ธ ๐ฆ also features ch0king and drooling and riding from the back getting my pink cheeks slapped ๐
77 - ๐๐ both vids!
you can also tip smaller amounts to show some love if you enjoyed these, or larger amount if you want a lot more spicy content where this came from โจ
100 ๐๐๐๐ฅ or more will get you an extra full length video and surprise bonus content of sexy goodies ๐
itโs been a tough month and any tips will go to my therapy sessions this week and a vet visit Carl just had (itโs a check up, heโs okay, except for a nasty skin lesion that weโre monitoring. even the consultations are pricey which is annoying but Iโm glad heโs okay ๐ธ ๐) ๐
I have a few friends who are therapists (they donโt treat me) who are divided over whether itโs good, ethical, or logical to have two or more therapists. I believe in my case, at least for the time being, it makes sense. One therapist I see for my pathologies like anxiety, ptsd, and depression; the other I see specifically for sex work talk therapy. Iโm about to see a psychiatrist as well. It may not make sense to you, but to me this compartmentalization makes sense. Even though my problems are not fixed after a few months of therapy, Iโve gained a deeper self understanding. I see a โmommyโ and a โdaddyโ and in a way it brings me comfort to see nonjudgmental therapists because Iโm not close with my family. Itโs not a surrogate or substitute, but it kind of is. The way you guys pay for porn? Seeing someone who validates me and tells me itโs gonna be okay and even tho Iโm fucked by life sometimes Iโm still a good person, is my porn.
This will be my last tip goal thing in October, the rest of the month Iโm just gonna try to post slutty content to my feed ๐ฅฐ ๐ฆ ๐ Contributions are extremely helpful to me tho and if the goal is exceeded Iโll post another full length, maybe longer, video! If this sucks ass and flops Iโll try again w something else, but I hope yโall do enjoy the vids, they were fun to film and I like these characters ๐๐ค
